#family scapegoating abuse

[nothing0fnothing]

When you went no contact, did your parents lose their shit?

Yep mine did. It was a heavy 6 months of threats, gaslighting and smear campaigns. It was horrible to go through as an 18 year old who just wanted to build a normal life out of the nothing I'd been handed.

I went no contact at 17 and a year later my entire family had fallen apart. My siblings went no contact, my parents had divorced and sold the houses and the vibe was absolutely rancid.

It's because the scapegoat is the most important person in the dynamic. When you go no contact they either need to find someone else to blame for their own actions or the whole thing goes to shit.

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

[connieaaa]

Family is who shows up.

[7yearsago]

The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.

Unknown

[melblogsgfreethruptsd]

“We’ve tried everything “ 🤥

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

npd culture is feeling kinda uncomfortable everytime someone talks about emotional abuse because you just know someone is gonna mention ppl with npd for no reason

.

[zeroducks-2]

I have a personal question, feel free to ignore, but how do you think being AFAB makes one relate to Dick Grayson more? I feel this way tbh. Or at least to people who are percieved or were percieved as female at some point in life (even if they aren't).

Dick Grayson is a fictional character and what you were assigned at birth doesn't "make" you relate to him any more or less, because what makes him the beloved character that he is aren't traits and/or experiences that are exclusive to any gender, assigned or perceived.

If you had the impression that more AFAB people relate to Dick and less AMAB people do, log off tumblr, go to a comic book store or a con or anywhere geeks gather, and check how many Dick Grayson fans who relate to him and love him are there. I promise you will notice that it's an even number between the different genders.

But anyway, I was assigned Duck at birth so what do I know?

[lisablack000]

It's not because we don't want to bother you. It's because we know you can't change it or fix it or you're just another flying monkey in the making. Either way, scapegoats don't ask for help because we know better

[sunnymoon-sunshine]

Onto my soap box time,

I absolutely 100% believe that Qibli's behavior towards Peril in Escaping Peril is 100% out of character, or at the very least, shouldn't make sense in relation to Qibli's character.

I understand why it works on a narrative level. Escaping Peril is, at its heart, about how ostracizing an abuse victim will lead them to seek out comfort where they can - often times leading them back to their abuser. It's about how kindness breeds kindness. There are a lot of good themes in Escaping Peril (even though I sometimes think it misses a few marks). So ultimately, it makes sense that Qibli is suspicious of her in his analytical way. HOWEVER, I argue that it doesn't make sense.

Mostly because of the fact that, in every situation that the two have been remotely close to each other, Peril has been in some way a savior and hero to him. You could argue that he's very aware of her past and that - even when doing those heroic moments - she was still doing them for selfish gain. Except for one.

When Qibli first meets Peril, it's after she stops the battle between the Outclaws and the SandWing army in The Brightest Night. Sunny has to plead with Peril to interrupt the fight, and it comes at the cost of Peril releasing Scarlet - but at the same time, Thorn makes a point to thank Peril, to refer to her as a saving grace, an angel.

The second time the two are around each other, it's when Peril saves Clay's life during the False Brightest Night. This was of her own accord, and is a stark example of Peril's defining trait: she will do anything for Clay.

The third time, she attempts to save Carnelian and Bigtail. It's tragic, but she tries - unprompted, too.

So it always struck me as a little weird that he was so harsh on her in Escaping Peril. I mean, you could very well argue that her reputation is far more defining than anything else, but Qibli trusts Thorn more than anyone, and Thorn showed nothing but gratitude. I don't know, maybe I more wish that these moments where Peril actually helped were brought up, because almost all of her moments of saving dragons and helping were events that Qibli was around. He could have acted as someone who could have dug deeper into Peril's thoughts, and tried to play the Devil's Advocate.

I mean, it's not major. It may not even really be out of character. I just think some acknowledgement would have been nice from a character who has seen some of the moments where Peril tried to do the right thing.

[usunezukoinezu]

Jerry Wise: emotional abuse narcissistic parents make you think is normal (so you grown up taking such treatments as normal and getting abused by others through your life):

1.verbal abuse 2.gaslighting 3.emotional neglect 4.conditional love

5.parentification 6.scapegoating 7.silent treatment 8.emotional manipulation (guilt, shame, etc.) 9.isolation 10.enmeshment 11.we are forced to be their extension 12.roles (golden child, scapegoat, codependent, black-sheep, etc.)

[cynthiabaileyrug]

When Scapegoats Are Abused

When Scapegoats Are Abused

The entire psychology around scapegoats fascinates me.  Having been one myself, I found it so hard to understand at first why it seems so many people have thought it perfectly acceptable to treat me badly, in particular those I’m related to.  Over the years, God has shown me quite a bit about that. Scapegoats are often easy going & gentle people.  It takes a lot to get the average scapegoat to…

[nothing0fnothing]

Every time I see people discuss the narcissistic family structure there's a lot of focus on scapegoats and golden children but not a lot of understanding what those roles mean. People like to categorise them as "the person who gets abused and the person who doesn't" and I can understand why that's the impression, but it's not correct.

The difference is the scapegoat has the role of fulfilling all the narcissists excuses while the golden child has the role of fulfilling all the narcissists expectations. Neither of them are "the favourite", it just serves the narcissist’s purposes to treat them differently. Both are abused. Both enter adulthood with warped perceptions of relationships and themselves. Both need trauma specific therapy from somebody capable of understanding narcissistic abuse to recover.

It's so complex for golden children, because while they can look back on their childhoods and understand something was fundamentally wrong, they were groomed by their narcissistic parents to let it slide. "It wasn't that bad" and "but there was so much good too" are common turns of phrase for them, because their parents abused them in a way that they felt gave them the best chance for lifelong supply, breadcruming praise and support and love amongst the trauma so they'd struggle to move on.

They are often lost and confused as adults, relying on their parents like adolescents while all their peers have reached maturity. They may try to act as a messenger or a peacemaker on behalf of their abusive parent and their siblings, as they never had the language to express how their upbringing made them feel, so their own siblings experiences don't make sense to them.

When a narcissist decides to make one of their children the golden child they're essentially dooming them to a life of isolation and denying them the possibility of ever moving on. Scapegoats usually get out, get help and stay out, golden children are kept in their trauma for far longer.

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

[connieaaa]

This Mother's Day I ended up contemplating my grandmother. My aunt posted about her on Facebook and got several comments about how kind and motherly she was, and I asked to know more because she was cruel to me. My aunt tried to reassure me that Grandma wasn't affectionate but she loved her grandkids dearly. I politely contradicted that I know my own experience, and I know my grandmother loved her grandchildren but she had very specifically excluded me and my brothers, and me most of all.

This was the first time I have viewed this experience with knowledge that I was actually visibly partially handicapped as child, and I realized that the reason I witnessed so much more of my grandmother's and uncle's cruelty is that they spoke in front of me like I wasn't there.

It also explains why one uncle always tormented me by telling me that my mom dropped me on my head when I was baby.

[joyfulghostskeletonpizza]

Gaslighting. Scapegoating. Invalidation of his very real concerns for his family's safety.

So damn relatable for anyone who grew up in a narcissistic family.

x

[melblogsgfreethruptsd]